Spector Defector: A Reality Farce?
Six months on and the seemingly ground-breaking reality TV experiment Celebrity STD island is in crisis after failing to the secure lucrative advertising contracts it required to pay its stellar cast.
The show has continued apace despite failing to entice a satellite broadcaster, hoping to build a steady internet presence which would allow a downmarket obscure digital channel to invest at a later stage. The show is now in crisis as no investor has been prepared to risk the wrath of the militant middle-England shit rag The Daily Mail.
Advertising chiefs are said to be boycotting the reality show after a raft of negative publicity from right wing Nazi magnet The Daily Mail. Phil Spector’s £1m fee is still said to be ‘outstanding’ although the big haired lunatic was quoted as saying “I’m not so sure about this being ‘outstanding’. I’m short of £1m pounds and have rent boys to pay. I find it frankly distasteful that the producers would degrade the situation by describing my fee as ‘outstanding’”.
Cheeky mmouthed 'tashe fan Cannon is said to be considering seeing other people after the recent fracas, telling his gay lover Ball that "I love you, I'm just not in love with you".
Last week, Cannon & Ball walked off the reality TV flop after a controversial dispute, where Cannon contracted herpes courtesy of Kenzie from Blazin’ Squad, but refused to share his disease with long-term life partner Ball. The duo’s relationship is said to be reaching ‘boiling point’.
Footy piss head Paul Gascoigne was recently slated by elements of the right wing press after continuing to anally pound his AIDS riddled step-daughter, despite already having collected her ailment. Writing in the Daily Express, former Tory hotpot Edwina Curry described the continued buggery as ‘distasteful’ and ‘an affront to the delicious female species’.
The show’s producers, Mule Productions, defended the back door ravenry, releasing a statement which suggested it was ‘mild hochmagandy between two grown individuals, both seeking greater media exposure at all costs’. It also claimed no responsibility for the actions of ‘media starved jizz magnets’.
Reporting is limited due to ongoing legal disputes, but recently deceased fun park curating moonwalker Michael Jackson is said to be reconsidering his bloated corpse’s participation after a raft of teeny fanmail urging him to leave the island in order to reignite his adolescent trap fairground.
Once legal restrictions have been lifted, we will bring you more…
FINAL SIX CELEBS CONFIRMED FOR THE ISLAND!!!!!!
Television’s most controversial reality show ever, Celebrity STD Island, has finally confirmed the remaining six guests. Producers Mule Productions announced the remaining names after weeks of wrangling over contracts with some of the world’s most famous stars.
The show is based in the former prison camp on Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (the Americas, think south of the USA) and is set to feature 16 high profile celebs who all arrive on the island with one sexually transmitted disease. The winner is the celeb to catch the most STDs by the end of the 8 week show! Celebrity STD Island: Gotta Catch ‘Em All!!!!
The news everyone has been waiting on was finally announced today! The final 6 idiots who have volunteered to have their bodies ravaged by sexually transmitted diseases in exchange for a nominal cash sum and the hope of future media contracts are: Michael Jackson, Jordy Chandler, Harvey Keitel, newly single Katie ‘don’t call me Jordan’ Price aka Jordan, Condie “don’t you dare call me condie” Rice and Judge Judy.
The amazing fuck fest will begin in the next few days and it is rumoured that several ‘celebs’ have already complained about producers trying to force them into sexual encounters, clearly misunderstanding the purpose of the show and failing to comprehend their own obvious inherent quest for publicity at any cost. We say: Shut the hell up ‘celebs’ – this is live tv – you’re nobody without us – you don’t shit if we don’t say shit!!!!
Vag faced leper Wacko Jacko is said to be eager to use his unorthadox facial willy hole to entice the show's "younger" celebs to part with their valued STDs
Serial child rapist jacko is obviously the biggest name attached to the show, and rumours are rife that he only decided to do the show after former teen brown love jobby jabbing idol Jordy Chandler agreed to take part, although Wacko is said to have commented that Chandler “isn’t the boy he once was”.
Harvey Keitel is keen to fuck his own mother given half a sniff, and producers feel he will be great entertainment for the late night web cam sessions.
Rumours also abound that Condie “Don’t you dare call me Condie” Rice and Judge Judy have hit it off big time backstage and are quite happy to pass their diseases between each other’s horrible right wing vaginal cavities. This has come as a major disappointment to the Chuckle brothers and Floella Benjamin, who were both said to be keen to give Condie a pressing conference and were determined to crack Judge Judy’s case.
Gun waving big haired mentalist Phil Spector is said to be delighted at the inclusion of several big named US stars, as he feels the distraction may allow him to shoot multiple female contestants in the face, followed by the obligatory raping, all whilst the cameras are focused on more ‘media friendly’ celebs.
Producers were also said to be finding it difficult to stop bevvy lovin’ ball kicking genius Gazza from splitting his step daughter in two prior to the start of the programme. Shouts of “Gazza, we’re not even on air yet” have become legendary around the holding bay, with the immortal response “it doesn’t fucking matter, any hole’s a goal, Tottenham for the cup” gaining a reputation as a viable response.
Overly toothed cum monkey Janet Street Porter is the 3/1 favourite to win the show, closely followed by 3.1276/1 fav and gentleman’s preference John Virgo. Early focus groups show Wacko Jacko is considered a “Dirty Peado Bastard”, but still puts him third favourite to win.
Keep on the blog and find out which celeb will be the first to CATCH EM ALL!!!!!
First Ten Celebs Confirmed for the Island!!!!
Ten of the Sixteen places on the highly anticipated Celebrity STD Island have now been taken up, with former childrens TV star Floella Benjamin the latest to confirm her place.
Mentally ill footy drunk Gazza will need to sleep with his own attention starved cock hungry step daughter if he wants to win
She now joins John Virgo, the Chuckle brothers, Janet Street Porter, Kenzie from blazing squad, Paul Gascoigne, Bianca Gascoigne and John Prescott on the island at the former Guantanamo prison camp set for the start of the show.
We understand that the celebs have been flown out to the island for the start of the programme and filming will commence once the remaining six places have been filled.
US prison authorities today caved in to public demand and have allowed gun loving celeb nut job Phil Spector to appear on the show, but have insisted on strict terms. He is thought to have been instructed to spend 23 hours of every day in a steel cage and has been limited to carrying only 3 guns on his person at any one time. He’s certainly going to be at a disadvantage if he can only get out to hump for one hour a day, but it appears the show’s producers, Mule Productions, are excited by the prospect of his pent up sexual aggression causing him to run wild and rabid-like in his single allocated hour.
As if you need reminding – the show features 16 celebrities on an island where each arrives with one sexually transmitted disease. The winner is the first one to Catch ‘Em All (Trademark, Mule Productions, 2009)!
Initially the show’s makers, Mule Productions, had difficulty in getting celebs who were so desperate in their need for attention that they were prepared to have their bodies ravaged by multiple STDs in exchange for a nominal cash sum. However, once snooker legend and homosexuals’ favourite John Virgo agreed to participate, it appears this gave the show some legitimacy amongst other celebs. Everyone wanted to go, but nobody wanted to go first!
Bobby Davro's participation is in doubt after he allegedly raped and killed 3 monkeys and a sausage dog
Virgo’s close friend and humourless annoying scouse twat John Parrot did however speak out against the show, labeling it ‘immoral’ and describing Virgo’s participation as ‘woefully out of character for someone who is normally so very dull’. The show’s creators are thought to be considering legal action.
Bobby Davro’s participation has been put on hold after he was taken into police custody in his home county of Berkshire. His longstanding syphilis complaint caused him to completely lose his mind over the weekend and he is thought to be unable to confirm or deny allegations that he raped and killed 3 monkeys and a sausage dog.
More news tomorrow, when the final 6 contestants will be announced for Celebrity STD Island: Gotta Catch ‘Em All!!!!!
Get set for the launch of Celebrity STD Island: Gotta catch ‘em all!!!!
This week sees the launch of the biggest, baddest, darkest reality TV show ever – Celebrity STD island: Gotta catch ‘em all!!! Catch all the updates and gossip right here on the official blog of the show!!!
The latest reality TV megashow smash is situated in the former prison camp in Guantanamo Bay. 16 celebrities each arrive on the Island with one sexually transmitted disease and the winner at the end of the ten week show is the celeb with the most diseases. The concept is simple, but the consequences will be devestating!
A list of all the celebs taking part will appear here as soon as the deals are signed. Early rumours suggest Bobby Davro, John Virgo, Cannon & Ball, Paul Gascoigne, Janet Street Porter and Kenzie from Blazin’ Squad are already signed up to appear, whilst several ‘big name’ celebs are thought to be in the frame.
Big haired gun waving murdering lunatic Phil Spector may be allowed to leave jail to appear on the show, where he is said to be keen to dip his diseased member in overly-toothed cum monkey Janet Street Porter
Phil Spector is awaiting permission from US authorities to leave his jail cell in order to take part in the show. As the show is situated on an island, there is seen as very little chance of him escaping. Producers revealed a deal may be struck whereby a cell is created for him on the island and he will be locked in at night. Apparently he is keen to keep his profile high whilst behind bars so that he can relaunch his celeb career on a full time basis when he is released from jail at the age of 124. He has requested that he can bring a few of his favourite guns with him, but producers were tight lipped on whether this will be allowed.
Max Clifford went against type and refused to speak to the media this afternoon amid internet rumours that the rotting corpse of Jade Goody was being dug up to make a guest appearance on the show.
There will be more gossip on the deals being signed tomorrow, so make sure you keep up with Celebrity STD Island: Gotta catch ‘em all!
